Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
