How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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