I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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