You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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