It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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