how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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