We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
smell my finger.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
