dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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