2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize