It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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