Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.