The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.