Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?

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(860): Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out? http://tfl.nu/i8pt

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(616): View more from Michigan

The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.

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(616): The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes. http://tfl.nu/pvjr

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You love popeyes more than me

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?

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(402): You love popeyes more than me (1-402): does delicious chicken come out of your vagina? http://tfl.nu/hcyr

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(510): View more from California

Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.

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(510): Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries. http://tfl.nu/ot3m

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(574): View more from Indiana

all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying

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(574): all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying http://tfl.nu/ymvi

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.

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(608): This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night. http://tfl.nu/r58q

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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(781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0

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(785): View more from Kansas

Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?

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(785): Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ? http://tfl.nu/syfm

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(502): View more from Kentucky

You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.

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(502): You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down. http://tfl.nu/88lm

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(207): View more from Maine

And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

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(207): And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition. http://tfl.nu/ff1h

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

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(570): He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/9z6q

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(443): View more from Maryland

He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

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(443): He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits. http://tfl.nu/bqj0

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(044): View more from

I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.

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(044): I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks. http://tfl.nu/8eb6

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(406): View more from Montana

She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that

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(406): She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that http://tfl.nu/d627

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(612): View more from Minnesota

just found out that she named her cat after me.

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(612): just found out that she named her cat after me. http://tfl.nu/gcoa

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