I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo