he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.