is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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