even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
