So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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