you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's always time for handjobs
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
