Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.