Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
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"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.