4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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