Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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