Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
