She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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