Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Damn victory sex feels great
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
