She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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