I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
