Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
