Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
