Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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