you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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