Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
