I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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