But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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