in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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