Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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