So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
