Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
