I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize