loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I smell like Dick and happiness
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize