can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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