I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
