is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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