i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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