my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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