you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.