Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.