somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal