this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."