Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
