I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
