If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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