I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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