I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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