um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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