i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
