Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
